hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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