speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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