I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize