well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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