After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
