I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
