Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize