The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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