Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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