So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My ass is underappreciated
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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