drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
