he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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