I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
