I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
