Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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