Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
time to smoke my breakfast
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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