i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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