I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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