If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I could make wine with my vomit
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Operation Purity has been aborted
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
