goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
