if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
