i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You don't make any sense
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