fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
