I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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