she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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