so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
