so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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