I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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