i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
