I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
