im about as happy as oj after his trial
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
