i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
