K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
