I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
