God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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