The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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