i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
