the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize