Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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