I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
