I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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