that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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