you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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