O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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