Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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