Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
