Your tits are I can't wait for
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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