Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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