i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
