I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Your penis caused this!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
