Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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