whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
