It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
