Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
