I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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