just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
