So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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