Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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