So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
