One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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