idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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