I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
