FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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