Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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