After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
