You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
