When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
