I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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